Pucker Up and Vote!

The Literotica Valentine's Day competition is here - a list stuffed full of top class stories for you to peruse and purse your lips over. Remember - Literotica writers publish our work for free. All we ask is that you give an honest vote, and if you have time - leave a comment. We really appreciate feedback that helps us with our writing, either by pointing to what we did that you like or by suggesting areas we may need to improve. 

Summer Lovin': Sweet Summer Nights

From Modern Paleo Warfare blog
run by two lads who like cooking 
but are not online any more :(

 

Gah, life overtook me and the Summer Lovin' competition was over before I could read many of the entries. This is a review I was writing and didn't quite manage to post in time. You can still show your appreciation by reading, voting and leaving comments, though. 

Another highly reliable writer in the Literotica story competitions is SamScribble. I greedily look out for his stories, as they usually have a bonne bouche in them by way of a yummy recipe which his lucky characters get to eat. Here he has really come up to scratch with a delicious scallop dish. There is a bed - of course <wink> - of white bean puree, some spicy action <snerk>, fishiness and a couple of round juicy scallops. 

Nude Day Erotic Story Contest

The Nude Day contest is currently running on Literotica, and I am panting away here. Um ... I just mean I'm rushing to get in a review of some of the stories in time to encourage you to go and vote on them. Gah, it can get quite hot reviewing all these stories but someone has to do this hard job (wink). 

Everyone posts on Literotica for free, so give them something back in the way of an honest vote - and comments. Authors on Literotica highly value thoughtful comments so do take the time to let them know what you think about their competition entries.

As a rule, better stories go into the contests because the authors who enter are ones who regularly go on Literotica and are serious about their writing. It's well worth having a look, checking titles and links and seeing if there are stories on there you think you will enjoy. (Pssst, link to the complete list here!)

Curlever on Brawna

Curl4ever is going to contribute some reviews for the blog, to my great excitement. He said I shouldn't write a glowing intro for him, as I've done for other illuminati of the erotica world who have kindly contributed posts on here. So I shall write an entirely truthful review. I can't write about his Literotica stories, although they are Hot to Trot. (I will link to them when he writes a review with a warning note.) Instead I'll write about a couple of his contributions on Brawna. 

I am grateful to him even just for introducing me to Brawna, which is a site I didn't know about. Brawna is full of fun stories about strong women. I mean strong as in can bench-press significant weights, who have legs bulging with muscle and who may even spend their weekends role-playing as orc maidens, wrestling adoring men to the ground as well as other orc maidens. Any little lady out there who is constantly putting herself on diets because she thinks all men prefer the slender willowy look should rush over and read a few of the paeans on Brawna to muscular women. 

(I will just take this opportunity to remind you that research shows, if you go on a diet, you will put back on more than you lost shortly afterwards as your body hurries to make up for what it realises is going to be a starve/feast way of living. Exercise is a great deal better at getting the extra poundage off - I find cycling especially good although I try not to lose too much weight in case I also lose my dimple. The one in my cheek. My facial cheek! Anyway, just click on BBW if you don't yet realise a lot of men adore big women.) 

Disney Princesses

From Fanpop

If you thought Miss Congeniality was an unlikely candidate for this blog, your jaw must be hitting the floor now, LOL.

In this unlikely blogpost I am going to argue that the Disney Princess has come a long way from her first incarnation: Snow White ("If you let me stay, I'll keep house for you. I'll wash and sew and sweep and cook.") Disney Princesses are one of the earliest means by which children come to an understanding of romance and adult relationships. It might be helpful to think back and consider if your attitudes to sex and love today were influenced by those entrancing films.

Plus, the films are beautiful. One of the bonuses of having a piglet is that I get to buy all the classic Disney films on BluRay. (Although I want to add that piglet maintenance is unfortunately not all about slobbing on the sofa with some jelly and icecream and Beauty and the Beast, so you should wear a condom until you are really sure you want to spend your life kneedeep in shitty nappies).

Return to Reviewing!

Well dahlinks, I have been away doing Things, and now I am back. I have got my pockets absolutely stuffed to bursting with stories I want to review. I hope you will forgive me if I start off with one of my own. 

I started this novel oh ... about forty years ago? In that time it has been through any number of edits and re-writes. I never lost my fondness for it, and have often turned to reading it for fun during more trying times myself. Now I'm putting it up free on Literotica in hopes of some good feedback. 

It's very exciting to get good scores on Literotica (I'm talking the ratings here!), however it means something special when you get comments. Then you find out how your readers took your story, whether they were drawn in by it or what it was that didn't quite work for them. Get your fingers tapping; let us writers know what you thought!

My novel is a swashbuckling bodice-ripper with lots of tossing of lace cuffs, sneering by candlelight and heaving of passionate silk-clad bosoms. I'm looking for feedback from the fantasy romance crowd - you know who you are. If you like a bit of swash to your buckle and flirting over a fan-tasy, check out my tale of derring-do: A Match for the el Maiens, and let me know what you think.

When Commander-Lord Vadya el Gaiel van H’las' father proposes a match, he knows it must be political. The most likely candidate is the enigmatic Lady Anastelle el Maien van Sietter. Vadya's father hopes she is a modest maiden living quietly with the famously chaste Lady Arianna el Jien van Sietter, Lady wife to Commander-Lord Clair el Maien. But why is Vadya's Captain, Tashka Maien, so sensitive about her honour? And what keeps the Lady Arianna, fair as a candle flame, in the el Maiens’ rambling old castle home full of dark secrets?

Rats in the Machine - review

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Falling for a Kiss - Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX Book 2

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In the FlashbackX series, Tilly and Elmer, a Midwestern couple in their sixties, reminisce about their awkward but passionate high school romance. Elmer knew that tradition required him to kiss Tilly on the third date. He wanted to, but when he found her dressed as a vampire for the Halloween dance, his well rehearsed strategy took a scary turn. They're still laughing about it fifty years later. 

The Tilly and Elmer stories are about a couple in their sexy sixties and are illustrated with delightful naïf coloured drawings by the author, Gene Clements. Some stories are for sale at a very cheap price, this one is Free!

Miss Congeniality

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Available from Hive.

OK, LOL, Miss Congeniality is not erotica but it is great fun and I need some gentle romance on here. Besides, I had some thoughts which I wish to write up and this seems like the best place. 

Miss Congeniality looks like the perfect example of a postfeminist film. Now I am supposed to be in favour of feminist erotica, not erotica which says, Whatever. Get over it you dull second wave wimmin who can't be bothered to pluck your chin hair, so you might not expect me to say: "Yes! go and watch this romcom in which a dork-y FBI agent is transformed into a lovely Beauty Queen and realises her inner Barbie." However ... 

Mary Tagert

Homeless woman from Wikipedia Commons

Here we have a hot First Time story, with a credible back story sketched in to explain how a young woman ends up enjoying her first experience with an older man.

Mills and Swoon - a riposte

On a quiz show about literature, some critics were once read a passage of a book by Barbara Cartland. Proving Ogg's point that trashy romance writers are better wielders of the pen than they are given credit, the critics guessed all kinds of elite names such as Jane Austen before it was revealed that the passage had been written by the much-loathed popular romance author.

So, after Ogg's impassioned plea in favour of Mills and Boon (the American equivalent is called Harlequin), are you going to see me switch to bumping their hefty sales by recommending Fifty Shades of Fluffy on this blog?

Ummmm NO! LOL. Because Mills and Boon/Harlequin are a) not feminist and b) not erotica.

Mills and Boon

Are Mills and Boon the most prolific publishers of Feminist Erotica?
By Oggbashan. 

Ogg's portrait from

Literotica

Oggbashan is not quite as old as Methuselah. He has survived many floods and he is a Giant of an erotica writer. (LOL, you can find Og, King of Bashan in the Bible. In other Jewish literature he's mentioned as riding on top of the ark built by Noah, son of Methuselah, because he was too big to go inside.)

Ogg publishes stories on Literotica (and elsewhere), and is a very highly regarded participant on the writers' board. His opinions are often sought out as he is known to be the repository of vast amounts of knowledge about strange and wonderful things. If you want 18th century slang words for prostitute, or ancient photos of oriental beauties (no no, he has strict instructions not to release photos of me!), or advice about sea-faring or crinolines or water sanitation methods, you call plaintively for Ogg. (He also has exceedingly good legs!)

I am very delighted that he has offered to write a blogpost here, even though I did refuse to review his Kipling spoof about unsafe elephant sex. I have reviewed a couple of his stories here and here, and as soon as I have a minute to do so, I will be reviewing lots more!

Word of Mouth (First Time)

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This coming of age college story is a classic Literotica winner: a whole box of Kleenex tear-jerker of a tale. It has it all. Convincing well-researched back story, sneering aggressive hot sex, a little dash of kinkiness, totally unexpected and gorgeous romance and ... well, I won't tell you the ending. You better read it, that's all! Have your box of tissues ready to hand, you only have to skim the 196 comments to see that this one has already made strong men weep. 

Nude Day Naughties

(X, XX and XXX)
Nudism is a proper way of life, which is about respect for your body and a love of letting it all hang easy in the breezes. Nudists say there is nothing particularly sexy about it. Once you get used to going around in the buff, seeing other people's dangly and bobbly bits, you just aren't that bothered about it.

However ... what a great premise for some naughty sexy stories about naughty nude carryings-on! There is of course a Nude Day story competition on the Literotica short story website. It's going on even as I type, and you can get on there and pick up a whole range of stories, vote on them and see if your favourite won in the end. Some of them are a bit cheat-y, not really about nudism although they are jolly sexy li'l numbers, which is what counts.

I have been on and saved you the trouble, picking up a few items which I popped in my basket and I ran back here to show them to you. We can imagine we are in the cafe, having a lovely cup of tea and showing each other our ... shopping (wink). That's what gurrlzz do - we go shopping and then we like to go somewhere we can unpack it all and admire it. It's a pretty mixed bag of goods I've got here, cuz a competition throws up a real variety of stories. Give 'em a go and see which one is your size (wink).

The Class of ... - review

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We're just entering exam season for high schools (secondary schools in Brit talk) and then it will be time for the Proms. This is a tradition which has come over to the UK from the States, although we have long had school discos. And we of course have geeky girls and the boy who was the hearthrob of the year, so lots of common ground to relate to. 

Here is a sweet and spicy tale about what might have happened if the geeky girl and the high school heartthrob had got it together after all ... with the many years' useful experience we all wish we could have as well.

Fisherman's Point

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Here is a modern witty romance as light as a summer breeze.

Several comments on the story remark on the crisp, understated and self-conscious wittiness of British writing. This is an example as fresh and dry as a Romaine lettuce, as dry and sparkling as a glass of the white wines that are mentioned; reminiscent of Barbara Pym's social comedies. Characters are rapidly sketched in pen-and-ink style with background settings in pen-and-wash around them. Motivations become apparent rather than being spelt out, in the way they happen in 'Real Life'. The two central characters are self-deprecating, charming and cheeky. You want to invite them round for lunch at your place cuz they are clearly good company.

Earth Calling Writers

(XX and 0)

By way of making it up to me that she wrote a fabulously good FAWC winning story which I couldn't review on here, patientlee has kindly offered me an Earth Day story which does have safe sex. I am very lazy these days, however I do bestir myself sometimes on behalf of you who scan these reviews. I took a stroll into the writers' chat board to ask for some more stories to pass round the campfire on the Earth Day theme. 

I got a bit more than I bargained for with Ogg's elephants! (In spite of his assurances, I still think they could've made the effort to find some sort of Jumbo protection. His was an Exceedingly Good Kipling pastiche, and I was tempted but I decided not to ruin my reputation by allowing unsafe elephant sex to rampage in these pages.) I have survived the wild jungle with Ogg, camping out with a book club, getting wet - uh, while canoeing!, and have returned, picking the leaves out of my hair, with this fine crop of stories for you to pore over as you toast some marshmallows. 

Here are one lesbian and three heterosexual stories for your delectation. Ogg's is the 0 sex - good clean fun with a ribbon round the box.

Winter Heart-Warmer - review

Card available 
from Zazzle

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I have long wanted to review one of Oggbashan's stories and in fact he kindly sent me a list of the ones which are safe sex, which I promise to reproduce for you at some point. I have been bogged down in Real Life recently so I didn't manage to get onto those. Then I saw he had won the Winter Holiday competition on Literotica and I formed the noble intention of reading his and the other two winners' stories and reviewing them if suitable.

Well, what with the seasonal activities: stuffing a bird (wink), filling my stocking (wink), trimming my tree (wink nudge) and sucking on a little sausage or two (<snerk>), I was slow off the mark and by the time I got round to reading the stories, the list had disappeared to make way for the Valentine's Day entrants. I think it would be a Good Thing if previous competition winners were listed somewhere, so we can all go and pick out a top story if we are having a slow day in the office ... I mean, if we are in need of superior uplifting ... I mean morally uplifting ... I mean, well anyway, it would be a Good Thing. 

Trick and treat! Two reviews

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Well, it is half term week here and the cats have brought a mouse in for us all to play with. Oh joy. 

However I have managed to get in two little reads which I'm bringing to you for Halloween. Both have an underlying theme: exploring women's insecurity about our sexuality although the two tales do this in different ways. These are good stories which you can read any time of the year, worthy competition entrants since they utilise the occasion properly; they are not just sexy stories with a witch costume thrown in.

A Werewolf in Office Clothing

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I looked long and hard (and I found some interesting long hard things on my journey!) for a werewolf story with safe sex, as I know werewolves are popular.  Then one suddenly jumped up in my own head and scratched and whined until I let it out for a run.