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| Kawasaki Ninja featured on CrotchRocket.com. |
The anxieties of the central character are well portrayed in these purportedly biographical pieces. As young women, we are heavily schooled into concern about our sexuality. On the one hand, we are given the impression that the world is full of naughty men waiting to pounce on us out of the undergrowth and slaver all over us. Plus, we are made to feel it's of the foremost importance to be closer to 'virgin' on the social spectrum than 'whore'; I mean actually more important than scoring a Nobel Prize with our school science project.
The predicament of a young woman who feels turned on by a hot man is a well drawn backdrop in these stories.
We could argue that he is the one who signals he is up for it, by riding a red crotch rocket in the first place. The protagonist of Her Secret Confessions demonstrates interest by flashing her lights at him and this totally pays off for her, as the hot M-A-N she has spotted gives her a ride - on the motorbike!, he gives her another ride later (wink), then in Her Secret Confessions Pt 02 she gets to ride his face.
These are Desiretobedesir's first stories on Literotica. There are very few typos, these are nice clean pieces - at least as far as the punctuation goes. Don't worry - the characters get well down and dirty.
Dd has got good feedback on the Literotica boards: both in Authors' Hangout and in Story Feedback. Her raw talent has been noted and the advice to her now is, to get an editor. There are classic errors in her story which a lot of first time writers make: notably use of qualifiers like 'slightly' and too many adjectives, worst offender being his heavenly soft king bed. These are things which a writer needs to draft out and experiment with. However a good beta read editor might suggest these make it difficult for readers to immerse themselves in the story. King bed instead of king size bed is kinda poetic, hinting that he is a king among men as well as having a big bed. Heavenly and king mixes the metaphors, and is a step too far.
For Dd's first story, it was suggested that talking in specifics about cock size and boobs (8 ½ inches and 34C) is not such a turn-on as might be supposed. This is something male writers do more than female. We have had discussions on the board about how, when people write this, we imagine them whipping out a ruler to quickly measure and make a note before going back to screwing. Sometimes it can be played with to torque up the turn-on factor, but if you're going for good quality writing it's better to just guide the reader's imagination with adjectives like: big and bouncy, enormous, fat, etc. Giving the specific measurement starts to read like a DIY flatpack instruction booklet ("insert 8 ½ inch tab into slot B"). In the second story, Dd has taken this advice and uses descriptors which can encourage the reader's imagination rather than specific measurements which make him/her stop and reach for the mental tape measure.
The titles suggest something more naughty than a young woman having sex with an older man. We usually feel like we are a very ba-a-ad naughty person when we first start writing erotica. Eventually it just becomes the Day Job - oh gosh, have I got time to rub out another quickie before bed - uh ... I mean story, although come to think of it ... that kind of thing. However, the titles are clearly sucking in the readership and Dd has got good scores for the Erotic Couplings section of Literotica, where voting can be harsh.
These are hot, well described sex scenes (apart from the measurements). Tension between the protagonist's nervousness and her lust is well conveyed: "You can do this," I muttered to myself as I looked in the mirror. "You are a sex kitten, a sex goddess. You can totally do this." This brings us over to her side, making us place her more in the category of 'virgin' than 'whore who will flash strange men and go to their house for sex'. (TBH, the sex is a bit risky, I wouldn't rely on the self control of a man who rides a red pocket rocket to pull out before he cums, but hey - she gets away with it.)
There are various ways in which you can write up the scenario of a young woman who actually wants a beastly man to slaver over her (oooh, stop it, you Bad Thing ... uh, not right now, but if you could stop in about ... half an hour?) and still retain reader sympathy for your heroine. Describing her nervousness, as Dd does, is probably the best way - going into your heroine's emotions adds a layer of realism to the story as well as working to get our sympathy on side.
Athalia's first time sex ed story, which I reviewed previously, presents the heroine as not conventionally pretty, a bit of a geek. Since she's not a cheerleader type, she doesn't fit the category of 'whore'. Athalia makes it apparent from the reaction of the young man in the story that the heroine only thinks she is unattractive, so we again feel sympathy and start rooting for her to enjoy her first time sexual experience.
In the story I reviewed of naughty Suze who arranges to meet up with a man off the internet, feelings of anxiety and nerves are again well described to make us sympathise with Suze. In addition, Suze and her hunky bloke play with the whore reputation. Will teases Suze by talking dirty to her, calling her a slag and saying he knows she charges for it. This is a risky trick which Suze pulls off well: the double bluff. Will calls Suze a slag and a whore as a tease, so we know that 'really' she is a nice girl who is just having a bit of fun.
A more risky strategy is to introduce other actual slags into the story. While this makes your heroine look pure and virtuous by comparison, it ultimately degrades women generally. I always feel sorry for the bit characters who have to play slag to showcase the heroine's purity. I imagine them going off afterwards tripping in the knickers around their ankles and grumbling: "God, the readers should see her when the page turns, she's at it like a bunny. Fancy a drink? Let's go then."
In Pt 02, Dd increases our impression of the central character as a good 'virgin' type - and also of the male protagonist's sexy bad boy character - when her heart is broken by the hot crotch rocket rider's faithlessness. Male characters' appeal can be increased by them being sex-hungry cheating cads, but female characters will be heartless nymphos if they indulge in such behaviour. There's a Loving Wife category on Literotica where readers revel in their outrage about cheating women ("Burn The Bitch"), but no separate space for Loving Husbands. If she is looking for romance, not a quick fuck, a young woman is a good girl no matter how much she talks of casting aside her 'goody-two-shoes' reputation.
Generally: the purity of the spelling, articulacy of the writing; the near-apology for swearing at the height of orgasm, signal a higher class of woman. I wonder what we're going to get in Pt 03, if she is going to be more of a naughty-one-shoe next time yet still preserve her virginal lustre.
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