|Homeless woman from Wikipedia Commons|
Mary Tagert is a likeable lass on the run. When she turns eighteen she decides to reward one of the few men in her life who has shown her kindness in the old-fashioned way. (I think actually she just realises he is hot to trot under his rags and decides to go for him!) Having lived with John for a couple of years, she knows she must lead the way to the bed and she does it in style.
Zeb_Carter already has one series under his belt with a string of green Es (Editor's pick) and red Hs. This story could do with a little work, however no worries on the bedroom scene: the sex is hot, sweet and sensible.
It's unusual for women to be homeless on the streets, because of the fears of sexual violence as well as physical violence and the dangers of the cold, dirt and rain. Women will stay on friends' floors and put up with considerable suffering in the home to stay safe from 'a fate worse than death'. (I have been homeless myself; I know how terrifying it is to fear life on the street.) Zeb sketches rather than depicts the miserable difficulties of living rough. He could perhaps have said something about the smells; there is a realism to the stink of someone who has not washed in a long while which brings across the unhappiness of homelessness in a visceral way. (Zeb hints at this when Mary works hard to secure herself and her lover showers which they both luxuriate in before their pleasuring.)
There is convincing detail of living rough, mostly in the form of explanation, e.g. a description of how Mary finds trashy novels in the trash, learning from them about the oral sex she wants to experience. Mary and John both have good reason for being out on the streets.The narrative flows well and the sex is hot and sensual
The explanation in places becomes what I call 'business': passages where the writer is thinking out how things would work in a practical way. These are just mechanical devices, they could be more smoothly integrated. For example, the passage where John's body is described and it's explained that he does exercise. If his exercises could be included earlier in the story as part of his life, his fit body would be plausible without our having to have it explained to us. I think it would add to the story too if instead of saying she wants to give herself to John as reward for his kindness, Mary admits she has noticed how fit he is and lusts after him!
Like other readers, I hope Mary and John's companionship leads them to build a safe home together - with Rudy and Sunny the dogs, of course! perhaps with the help of a good social worker, LOL. I foresee another hot bedroom scene if they get to christen a new home - hint hint.