Rats in the Machine - review

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Three atmospheric shorties

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A couple of highly accomplished Literotica writers have one page wonders in the Halloween competition this year. patientlee and MSTarot are experienced winners at crafting quality writing. These shorties are not all erotic and they are too short to be stories, more just scenes, but they are atmospheric, giving us mood with skill and eldritch flair. If you want to know how to set the scene for Halloween, go here.

Soul Service Inc.

From WowCondoms

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Well ... now for something completely different! CQTRose develops the Halloween theme in a hilarious spoof with a science fiction setting. The alien viewpoint is a great way to make us see our world in new ways, and offers plentiful opportunity for funny misunderstandings. 

This story obviously has so much more coming (ho ho!). Surely these great characters with their well depicted world are not going to have just one story to their names? Please let Rose and Sweetie ride again! LOL.Can they come (ho ho) back for Christmas? They are surely on my list to Santa.

Oooooh-eeee! Halloween

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Yes, it's time to get out the broomstick and the cauldron full of chocolate skulls. The Literotica Halloween competition is nigh, up and running with delicious shivers on offer. Last year I reviewed some hot chocolate with marshmallow numbers, in my Trick and Treat discussion of stories by two luscious ladies: MagicaPractica and SheaBlue, and I also had an eerie gothic lesbian romance from Bramblethorn.

I am kicking off this year with a Dire Warning. Bramblethorn's entry this year features sex so unsafe it will put you off forever! Mwahahaha! LOL. Red Callum, Sweet Cate is an erotic horror poem - Bramblethorn deserves a boost for even thinking to enter such a thing. The poem is expertly voiced by Kingswoman, who has the ideal accent for a creepy Halloween story-poem, and this is a very funny and horrible piece which has successfully squicked a few people out already. So just remember in future, take a condom with you down into the crypt! or suffer the consequences, ooooo-eeeee-oooooooo (and that's just the Braxton Hicks contractions) LOL. 

More Halloween creepy story reviews on the Tarot cards (hint hint, guess who else has stories in the pack, MST-ease). 

Forty-Nine Candles

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I am pretty sure this story is not what most people expect when they go to the category marked 'Illustrated', and I admit that some of the way through I too was thinking: 'Where are the illustrations?' Most of the time I really didn't care because this is a little number as sweet and hot as Cher singing The Shoop Shoop Song. 

Yes! it's in his kiss, LOL. 

Falling for a Kiss - Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX Book 2

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In the FlashbackX series, Tilly and Elmer, a Midwestern couple in their sixties, reminisce about their awkward but passionate high school romance. Elmer knew that tradition required him to kiss Tilly on the third date. He wanted to, but when he found her dressed as a vampire for the Halloween dance, his well rehearsed strategy took a scary turn. They're still laughing about it fifty years later. 

The Tilly and Elmer stories are about a couple in their sexy sixties and are illustrated with delightful naïf coloured drawings by the author, Gene Clements. Some stories are for sale at a very cheap price, this one is Free!

Miss Congeniality

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Available from Hive.

OK, LOL, Miss Congeniality is not erotica but it is great fun and I need some gentle romance on here. Besides, I had some thoughts which I wish to write up and this seems like the best place. 

Miss Congeniality looks like the perfect example of a postfeminist film. Now I am supposed to be in favour of feminist erotica, not erotica which says, Whatever. Get over it you dull second wave wimmin who can't be bothered to pluck your chin hair, so you might not expect me to say: "Yes! go and watch this romcom in which a dork-y FBI agent is transformed into a lovely Beauty Queen and realises her inner Barbie." However ... 

Big Daddy Comes Knocking

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As the joke goes: "Is sex dirty?" "If you're doing it right."
 
Lois says goodbye to husband Alan with a perfunctory kiss and goes off to her boring job, where she is further irritated by her juvenile colleagues and their lackadaisical attitudes. Then the phone rings ... it's 'him'! "I told you to never call me on this phone!" she whispers. 

The sound of his voice stirred her in places Lois didn't want to acknowledge. Cue - smokin' hot and dirty sex! Hot Mama Lois is going to get Big Daddy for breaking the rules and calling her at work, and get him hard ... er, so to speak <snerk>.

How Can Erotica Make the World a Better Place?

Guest post by AussieScribbler

I am a great admirer of Aussiescribbler's work, although I have only so far reviewed his Lusting While Dusting as unfortunately his characters can be careless about safe sex. Aussie's stories make me wet, usually because I laughed so hard I wet myself, although they are also hot, with heroines who are nearly as appealingly quirky as he is himself. We had a great discussion by email recently about my review of a cartoon I found sexist (admittedly I was in a very bad mood at the time I wrote that review, LOL), and he has kindly agreed to reproduce his thoughts in a guest post essay on the subject. 

I disagree with lots that he says! although I admire the way he puts his argument. We are not in disagreement about this blog, as it's mainly aimed at young people. The internet gives us easy access to such a variety of sexualised material and I want to provide a filter here for people who are anxious about what they might come across. Aussie has always been one of my most supportive friends as I search for examples of good sexual practice, for people who would like to start with an understanding of sex that is fundamentally respectful.

I remain very proud that my werewolf story ("depraved filth" - unsolicited one star Amazon review <snerk>) made one reader put her entire collection of werewolf stories to the back of her virtual bookshelf. I think many people's reading habits ought to be healthily repressed and they should be made to go through all the fine examples of realistic, fun and feisty frolics which I have collected here for their delectation instead of being allowed to stuff themselves with bad fiction. But then, I am a mom. I also believe in freedom of speech and I love a lively discussion so I let my child read Enid Blyton and I encourage you to read what Aussie has to say about kinds of erotic writing you won't find reviewed on here.

AussieScribbler's work is on 
Smashwords, his blog
funnyboners and 
how to be free.

I believe that erotica can play a useful role in promoting a healthy society but perhaps not quite in the way you might think. You might think I'm suggesting that by writing erotica which depicts healthy and responsible behaviour we can gently nudge some readers away from perhaps dangerous or oppressive sexual behaviour. This may make sense in terms of providing a good example to young people, but erotica can do more than that.

Sexy Summer Sounds - In Your Afterglow

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Sexy Summer Sounds - A Walk in the Park

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Scorchio! as the Fast Show weather girl used to say. Don't burn your fingers on the latest from Kingswoman and Charlie the W@*king W@*ker - or any other body parts.

Jenny takes A Walk in the Park, to air her enormous boobs, and finds an unexpected friend in the public toilets. "I don't think there's a straight man alive who would make it through the toilet scene without exploding," gushes one fan.

This is another X-rated boyzzzone story from Kingswoman and Charlie. I have known a lesbian or two (wink) but never one who behaved like Jenny and Karen! Women have secretly confided to me that they enjoyed this exceptionally dirty story; mostly though it's a Carry On Wanking ... I mean Walking for men. LOL. 

As a bonne bouche ... er, as it were (<snerk>), try the spoof article on a flasher who gets a business award, illustrated by this delightful pic in the St Helens celebrity news.

Sexy Summer Sounds - A Hot Summer's Night

From Layoutsparks

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It's Summer Lovin' Competition time on Literotica and there are one or two sultry audios in the sunshine set so I thought I would do some sexy Summer Stories that breathe a warm glow into your ... over your ... well, anyway, here are some hot Text with Audio stories. 

No. 1 is TXRad's A Hot Summer Night. This is a sweet teaser with a little sting in the tail - tantalising back story is delicately hinted at right at the end. 

It's late at night, and Lucy is feeling hot ... in a number of ways. I sure am a fan of how she manages to get off! Off to sleep, to sleep! She finds a great way to relax and slip away to slumberland. 

The familiar sultry tones of a 'great lady' are also available to read this story for Mr. Rad. Kingswoman has come on this blog before. As it were, *cough cough* ;) 

Sarah's Stallion

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This First Time novella about a young woman and a young man has several comments saying affectionately that it reminds them of their real life first time. The four chapters cover a wide range of activities as Sarah and the central protagonist Steve tentatively explore sex. There's lots and lots and LOTS of good information about sex, always in the context of a fun story.

I hesitated whether to label this a romance. It is a lovely sweet story, however the realistic detail is excellent, there is no air-brushing over the practical matters incorporated smoothly as part of the action - all those things you really worry about when you are thinking about sharing your body for the first time. Not just condoms but periods and whether your hymen is still intact, are discussed as natural parts of the story. There are excellent descriptions of Steve's and Sarah's intimate parts, which the two explore shyly, excitedly and with love.

(BTW, if you are a girl who was obsesseed with horses as a teen, this one is for you! as the stallion of the title is not in fact Steve, it's Sarah's horse Pegasus. Privates1stclass provides good background detail about horses and riding as well as on sex, LOL.) 

Mary Tagert

Homeless woman from Wikipedia Commons

Here we have a hot First Time story, with a credible back story sketched in to explain how a young woman ends up enjoying her first experience with an older man.

Mills and Swoon - a riposte

On a quiz show about literature, some critics were once read a passage of a book by Barbara Cartland. Proving Ogg's point that trashy romance writers are better wielders of the pen than they are given credit, the critics guessed all kinds of elite names such as Jane Austen before it was revealed that the passage had been written by the much-loathed popular romance author.

So, after Ogg's impassioned plea in favour of Mills and Boon (the American equivalent is called Harlequin), are you going to see me switch to bumping their hefty sales by recommending Fifty Shades of Fluffy on this blog?

Ummmm NO! LOL. Because Mills and Boon/Harlequin are a) not feminist and b) not erotica.

Mills and Boon

Are Mills and Boon the most prolific publishers of Feminist Erotica?
By Oggbashan. 

Ogg's portrait from

Literotica

Oggbashan is not quite as old as Methuselah. He has survived many floods and he is a Giant of an erotica writer. (LOL, you can find Og, King of Bashan in the Bible. In other Jewish literature he's mentioned as riding on top of the ark built by Noah, son of Methuselah, because he was too big to go inside.)

Ogg publishes stories on Literotica (and elsewhere), and is a very highly regarded participant on the writers' board. His opinions are often sought out as he is known to be the repository of vast amounts of knowledge about strange and wonderful things. If you want 18th century slang words for prostitute, or ancient photos of oriental beauties (no no, he has strict instructions not to release photos of me!), or advice about sea-faring or crinolines or water sanitation methods, you call plaintively for Ogg. (He also has exceedingly good legs!)

I am very delighted that he has offered to write a blogpost here, even though I did refuse to review his Kipling spoof about unsafe elephant sex. I have reviewed a couple of his stories here and here, and as soon as I have a minute to do so, I will be reviewing lots more!

Musical Moment

Whew, phew, anyone who enjoys a classical babe will know that the Russian opera singer Anna Netrebko is about as hot as you can get in the world of bel canto and colaratura.

In this sexy number from the Proms, she wows the audience and orchestra, who enthusiastically play up to her teasing, pretending to fight over the roses she throws out as she dances and ... migosh! sings! If you can tear your attention away from the gorgeous voice and sexy sashaying hips, look out for the gentleman in a white coat who dramatically snatches the tossed roses away from his neighbour in nautical uniform.

Anna's Milk

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Snakes Alive!

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Hahaha! - what a fab story. It is beyond belief that this accomplished and witty piece of writing has not got a fat red H. I LOVED it.  

Counting to Eleven is a naughty romping tale about what happens after the 'with-It' teacher in school invites in a reptile handler along with assorted snakes and a crocodile. (Linda is much more 'with-it' than that lucky school could ever have imagined!) There is excellent background, both on what it's like to be a class teacher and on snakes. Drily humourous and snappily written, this is also a good lesson in how to negotiate consent. Lesbian women are all too inclined to hang back and mumble blushingly until someone-else has carried off their lovely lady, so read and learn, gurrlzzz, and read and enjoy.

BTW, the crocodile has the last word - hahahahaha!

Word of Mouth (First Time)

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This coming of age college story is a classic Literotica winner: a whole box of Kleenex tear-jerker of a tale. It has it all. Convincing well-researched back story, sneering aggressive hot sex, a little dash of kinkiness, totally unexpected and gorgeous romance and ... well, I won't tell you the ending. You better read it, that's all! Have your box of tissues ready to hand, you only have to skim the 196 comments to see that this one has already made strong men weep. 

Dark Chocolate

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Here's one from that spinner of dark tales, MSTarot, a story full of sex and sensuality. 

While lingering over this luxury fable, I was also able to do some work on my important research project comparing brands of chocolate with salt in. Currently, The Co-operative own brand Ghanaian milk chocolate with toffee and sea salt is at #2 in my list. I slo-owly consumed half a bar while fingering this delicious period tale about an entertainment enjoyed by the delicate sex. (N.B. Although my own preference is for chocolate with sea salt, I actually recommend Prestat's dark chocolate with raspberry to accompany this story.)  

Charlie's Story - Review

Go to Joel's for these chocs.

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Break out your best chocolate, gurrlzzz (and guyzzz - I know you secretly like a li'l romance, LOL). Here is a real old-fashioned lover of a tale, with a thoroughly modern twist. 

Handley_Page is a great pal and I have edited a couple of his stories in the past. TBH, up til now I was not quite sure what he was doing on a naughty erotica writers' board, as he usually writes drily humourous tales with zero sex which he is obliged to post in Non-Erotic. However he suddenly came up with this little gem. I am very proud to have been any help at all in the production of such a sweet and unusual story. 

Nude Day Naughties

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Nudism is a proper way of life, which is about respect for your body and a love of letting it all hang easy in the breezes. Nudists say there is nothing particularly sexy about it. Once you get used to going around in the buff, seeing other people's dangly and bobbly bits, you just aren't that bothered about it.

However ... what a great premise for some naughty sexy stories about naughty nude carryings-on! There is of course a Nude Day story competition on the Literotica short story website. It's going on even as I type, and you can get on there and pick up a whole range of stories, vote on them and see if your favourite won in the end. Some of them are a bit cheat-y, not really about nudism although they are jolly sexy li'l numbers, which is what counts.

I have been on and saved you the trouble, picking up a few items which I popped in my basket and I ran back here to show them to you. We can imagine we are in the cafe, having a lovely cup of tea and showing each other our ... shopping (wink). That's what gurrlzz do - we go shopping and then we like to go somewhere we can unpack it all and admire it. It's a pretty mixed bag of goods I've got here, cuz a competition throws up a real variety of stories. Give 'em a go and see which one is your size (wink).

The Class of ... - review

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We're just entering exam season for high schools (secondary schools in Brit talk) and then it will be time for the Proms. This is a tradition which has come over to the UK from the States, although we have long had school discos. And we of course have geeky girls and the boy who was the hearthrob of the year, so lots of common ground to relate to. 

Here is a sweet and spicy tale about what might have happened if the geeky girl and the high school heartthrob had got it together after all ... with the many years' useful experience we all wish we could have as well.

Fisherman's Point

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Here is a modern witty romance as light as a summer breeze.

Several comments on the story remark on the crisp, understated and self-conscious wittiness of British writing. This is an example as fresh and dry as a Romaine lettuce, as dry and sparkling as a glass of the white wines that are mentioned; reminiscent of Barbara Pym's social comedies. Characters are rapidly sketched in pen-and-ink style with background settings in pen-and-wash around them. Motivations become apparent rather than being spelt out, in the way they happen in 'Real Life'. The two central characters are self-deprecating, charming and cheeky. You want to invite them round for lunch at your place cuz they are clearly good company.

Earth Calling Writers

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By way of making it up to me that she wrote a fabulously good FAWC winning story which I couldn't review on here, patientlee has kindly offered me an Earth Day story which does have safe sex. I am very lazy these days, however I do bestir myself sometimes on behalf of you who scan these reviews. I took a stroll into the writers' chat board to ask for some more stories to pass round the campfire on the Earth Day theme. 

I got a bit more than I bargained for with Ogg's elephants! (In spite of his assurances, I still think they could've made the effort to find some sort of Jumbo protection. His was an Exceedingly Good Kipling pastiche, and I was tempted but I decided not to ruin my reputation by allowing unsafe elephant sex to rampage in these pages.) I have survived the wild jungle with Ogg, camping out with a book club, getting wet - uh, while canoeing!, and have returned, picking the leaves out of my hair, with this fine crop of stories for you to pore over as you toast some marshmallows. 

Here are one lesbian and three heterosexual stories for your delectation. Ogg's is the 0 sex - good clean fun with a ribbon round the box.

FAWCking Good T/S stories

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I have mentioned the FAWC competition before: checking out the latest FAWC is a good way to find high quality stories since it's mainly the experienced writers on the Authors' Hangout board of Literotica who take part. FAWC 4 offered four songs to inspire writers, and since one of those songs was Sting's Tomorrow We'll See, this led to at least three stories in the competition being about transsexual hookers. They are all top dollar stories, and two of them are safe sex so I can recommend them on here. All three stories conveyed with supreme skill the feeling - beyond yearning, a need to be part of "the Life", similar to an addiction in its intensity. All three also depicted with brutal conviction the prejudice transsexual people face and the surface glamour/fatal dangers of this world.

A Vintage Little Number - review

From Wine Searcher

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I am feisty at fifty myself, so I like a good cougar tale. I found that once I hit the big 5 oh, I couldn't be bothered to keep up the proprieties and I decided to age disgracefully. I collected a stack-load of cubs panting in my wake, so I realised that age cannot wither a woman's appeal if she is willing to snerk a lot and have a larf. An older woman is mature, vintage, as full of taste and body as a good wine.

Odd Shaped Balls - review

No no, dahlinks! This is a proper
pic of a proper rugby player:
England's Paul Sackey which I
have put in to show you the shape
of the ball. The rugby ball!
You surely do not think I  would
use gratuitous images of naked
men. (From Brisbane Times.)

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Well, the Six Nations is upon us. Those who know and love me well will be amazed that such is my dedication to this blog, I have taken time out to write a review at this time. I was unable to resist using the occasion to mention this exceedingly Hot Hot Hot delicious story about a lovely lady who hooks herself a couple of balls (wink).

Winter Heart-Warmer - review

Card available 
from Zazzle

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I have long wanted to review one of Oggbashan's stories and in fact he kindly sent me a list of the ones which are safe sex, which I promise to reproduce for you at some point. I have been bogged down in Real Life recently so I didn't manage to get onto those. Then I saw he had won the Winter Holiday competition on Literotica and I formed the noble intention of reading his and the other two winners' stories and reviewing them if suitable.

Well, what with the seasonal activities: stuffing a bird (wink), filling my stocking (wink), trimming my tree (wink nudge) and sucking on a little sausage or two (<snerk>), I was slow off the mark and by the time I got round to reading the stories, the list had disappeared to make way for the Valentine's Day entrants. I think it would be a Good Thing if previous competition winners were listed somewhere, so we can all go and pick out a top story if we are having a slow day in the office ... I mean, if we are in need of superior uplifting ... I mean morally uplifting ... I mean, well anyway, it would be a Good Thing. 

Party-pooping Feminist Critique of Cartoon

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And now for something a little different. In this review I’m going to critique a cartoon I think is a Bad Thing. The main aim of this site ... well, the main aim is to find you something fun and sexy, however there is another main aim which is to get people thinking so we can enjoy the fun and sexy to the full. There is a lot of stuff out there which just channels sexually exciting material in an unthinking way. Obviously you want to get a warm buzz where it matters. However while getting your a thrill, you don't want to feel ill. The reviews on here usually aim to help you avoid that kind of thing. Eventually though, you will go off, looking for things for yourself. (Oooh, <sniff sniff>, poor li'l innocent thing, I packed you some sandwiches in a red spotted handkerchief, and I put some condoms in for you too - wink.) When you come across material that you're unsure about, don't feel you have to take it on board wholesale, use your brain.

Originally I decided to post this review without the link to the cartoon I am critiquing. I wanted to talk about the problems in it, but not encourage viewing of it. However, comments made me realise I was practising censorship. People should be able to make up their own mind so I decided to put the link in a comment. If you want to look at the cartoon in question, hopefully the critique I offer will be helpful to you in doing so. Please feel free to leave comments disagreeing with my opinion of the cartoon. It's only in open discussion that we can figure these things out. 

I was pretty grumpy when I drafted this review, LOL. There is a lot going on in the world which makes me cross. Normally I go Lalala, let's have a larf anyway, cuz if I was to get cross about everything which I think is mean and unfair, it would take a lot of energy. But I let myself go a bit here.

Naughty pictures - review

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Reviews of a couple of illustrated stories coming up to add to the fun. 

This brief (<snerk>) adult comic by stephenchapman is a bit of clean fun speculating on what might go wrong if all your briefs were dirty, and you took a chance ...